Letter to My 22 Year Old Self

Hi Shayan,

Last year, you stayed in our old house for a couple days after graduating. I remember sitting around alone, melancholy, wondering how we got to the end so fast. I remember spending a long time staring at the empty rooms, missing our friends. Despite your letter to our 18 year old self, I think graduating last year still hit you harder than you expected. I remember writing that letter, sitting at the kitchen table, fearing so badly that you were losing much that you cared about. You wrote that letter because you wanted to make sure nothing was left unsaid. Truth be told, you were scared of saying farewell.

This year, the farewell is much larger than last time. We're leaving San Luis Obispo behind, and I frankly don't know what life will look like in the fall. Over the past few days, I've said farewell to so many people I love, and to be honest, I have no idea when the next time I will see most of them is. I don't know if we're ever going to live with our roommates, who I love so much, ever again. I'm planning on traveling around, and I'll probably be alone for a while. The rooms will be empty again.

I cried a lot harder this year than last year. But for some reason, I'm not scared like I was before. I don't feel worried. In fact, I feel hopeful. Can you believe that? I'll miss my life here more than words can describe, but leaving doesn't feel like the end of the world anymore. Maybe it's because of all these essays I've been writing, but I think I've gone from knowing that the sun has to rise tomorrow, to believing that it actually will. The difference is slight, but I think it's important.

Maybe things won't be the same for us in the future as they have been this year. Maybe it will be a long time before we see some of our friends again. I choose not to believe that. But even if it's true, it doesn't make the time we spent in San Luis Obispo any less important to me, any less impactful. I'll carry it with me on the road. For once, I'm looking forward to the future.

A major theme of my last letter was that I trusted my friends to lead us away from the dark. I trust myself now too. I think we're gonna be alright.

With love,

Shayan